True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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