alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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