i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
