He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
