Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize