I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
