Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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