Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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