hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
