im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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