if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
