The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was born a porn star she said
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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