you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
