thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
