dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
accomplished twins. life is a go
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
