the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
