Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
