Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
