this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
