my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
