i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i think im in europe. pls send help
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize