we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
