I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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