I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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