i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
