Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
did i just pee glitter
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
