if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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