no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
