I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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