hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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