Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
