Define "chronic" masturbator.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
