i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
