Why does Corona taste like a burp?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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