I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
smell my finger.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
