I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
