time to smoke my breakfast
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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