you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
