By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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