Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
