i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Couch. On fire.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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