It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
