ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
