I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
