do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
