i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize