By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
