You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
