I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
