I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
