Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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