I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
