This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
