It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
