All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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