Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
