my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
