i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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