I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
