WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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