I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
