you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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