Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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