I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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