Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
