I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
