I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
