as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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