Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
